Have you ever had a moment that changed your life trajectory?

For me, it was two years ago at a Soft Warrior weekend.

I had read that this was a weekend designed to get you out of your everyday life so you could encounter God.

This appealed to me. A God encounter was just what I was looking for

I had spent many years studying about God. I read the Bible often. I was an active church member. I loved to serve.

Yet I was struggling. I wasn’t quite sure why.

Until my God encounter.

Identity is defined as the condition of being oneself.

That sounds easy. Just be yourself. How hard can it be?

But that was my primary struggle.

I no longer knew who I was.

I had believed so many lies for so long, I couldn’t recognize truth.

Prior to Soft Warrior, I apologized for everything.

I even apologized for my existence.

I attempted to prove my worth by striving to be perfect, pleasing people and problem-solving.

I made myself useful in order to be loved by others.

Even my salvation, that I freely received, became something I tried to earn.

Now I know that by doing this, I was falling into a common trap: I was attempting to create my own identity.

I was also allowing others to define who I was.

This created a cycle of performance-plus- validation-equaling- worth.

Basing my worth on my performance led me to realize that my struggle began with self-doubt.

As I now live life transparently with other women, I realize it’s a common trap, one that takes us back to the Garden of Eden.

In Genesis 3 we read the account of Eve falling into the same trap.

She doubted her God-given identity.

She took matters into her own hands and tried to create worth for herself.

Satan, in Genesis 3:1, became the first identity thief

He didn’t rip away her identity– he was crafty.

He questioned Eve and created room for her to doubt God’s truth. He coerced her.

She handed over who she already was to take hold of what she thought she was missing.

She didn’t believe she already had everything.

The enemy is crafty.

When we doubt who God says we are, we are left to try to prove that we are people of value.

If you Google the word identity you get endless information about guarding, protecting, even hiding your identity.

Interestingly, those very words describe a person attempting to create their identity: guarded, protected and hidden.

You can live life that way. I did for several decades.

You just can’t live abundantly.

John 10:10 speaks of this: “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that you may have life and have it abundantly.”

Are you living an abundant life?

Or have you, like I had, allowed it to be stolen?

Have you too doubted God?

Scripture is a much better search engine than Google.

Genesis 1:27 says “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

Not by mistake or needing improvements; in His image, we have been perfectly created.

I wish I could say this battle is fought only once.

In one weekend God healed my heart and showed me that my identity was in him alone.

Yet I must choose daily to believe or doubt him.

A year-and-a-half after my first Freedom Training encounter, I was at another.

I found myself writing this question after a time of deep prayer: “Why are you still trying to correct my creation?”

BOOM!

There it was again.

I can’t live intimately with God alone.

The identity trap would destroy me every time.

I need others to remind me who I am.

Living in a state of vulnerability with others did not come easy for me.

This fact only revealed my heart issue.

My struggle wasn’t that I didn’t know God, but that I wasn’t living out of my given identity with others.

Therefore, I was missing abundant life!

-Cyndi Bolding

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