A Marriage Thought
In marriage conflicts, first distinguish who it is with the problem. One person's problem may have nothing to do with other person. There are problems that aren't problems until one person takes personally the problem of the other. I would venture to say that most marriage problems fall into this category. Here are a couple of suggestions to keep yourself from falling prey to what your spouse is dealing with:
First embrace the spiritual reality that God is working out his will in your spouse.
When we were first married I was compelled to protect my wife from uncomfortable situations. At a seminar, my wife was interacting with the speaker. He posed an uncomfortable question. I went to answer the question for my wife so as to protect her. He stopped me and said, "don't prevent God from doing what God wants to do in your wife's life." Whoa! I had never thought of that. Suddenly I realized that God is involved in every area of life, not just the areas that I am aware of, i.e., church, Bible studies and fellowship group, and it was not my place to interrupt that process.
Daily life situations open the door for God to work. However, in marriage there is a perfect scapegoat at hand that can be blamed, used to divert responsibility or to conspire with. All of which distorts who this problem belongs to.
Why this happens is usually connected to the fear of rejection, both by the person who is sidestepping the problem and the person who is the unwitting scapegoat.
Take responsibility for what's yours and be comfortable in the tension of your spouses life.
Second, you and your spouse have the freedom to disagree. Disagreements are a part of one's individuality. Most of these situations are not right/wrong, but rather preference. When a couple embraces this truth cruelty and accusation diminish and peace follows.
Here is a few of The Five Agreements:
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
Ps. 129:33, 34 "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
See also the admonishing words of Col. 3:12-17
First embrace the spiritual reality that God is working out his will in your spouse.
When we were first married I was compelled to protect my wife from uncomfortable situations. At a seminar, my wife was interacting with the speaker. He posed an uncomfortable question. I went to answer the question for my wife so as to protect her. He stopped me and said, "don't prevent God from doing what God wants to do in your wife's life." Whoa! I had never thought of that. Suddenly I realized that God is involved in every area of life, not just the areas that I am aware of, i.e., church, Bible studies and fellowship group, and it was not my place to interrupt that process.
Daily life situations open the door for God to work. However, in marriage there is a perfect scapegoat at hand that can be blamed, used to divert responsibility or to conspire with. All of which distorts who this problem belongs to.
Why this happens is usually connected to the fear of rejection, both by the person who is sidestepping the problem and the person who is the unwitting scapegoat.
Take responsibility for what's yours and be comfortable in the tension of your spouses life.
Second, you and your spouse have the freedom to disagree. Disagreements are a part of one's individuality. Most of these situations are not right/wrong, but rather preference. When a couple embraces this truth cruelty and accusation diminish and peace follows.
Here is a few of The Five Agreements:
1. Be impeccable with your word
2. Don't take anything personally
3. Don't make assumptions
Ps. 129:33, 34 "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
See also the admonishing words of Col. 3:12-17
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